Dr. Ham,
I felt the need to reach out to you, for one thing simply to tell you how impactful it was for me to hear your perspective on the Being Well podcast and thank you for doing so. I also wanted to see if you may be able to offer any words of wisdom about my path towards becoming a therapist. It only took me listening to about 18 minutes of the podcast before I was moved to tears. You so insightfully and powerfully vocalized so much of what I've been feeling but not fully able to put into words.
I know deep down that I want to work with people who are seeking support for their suffering and trauma, but also overwhelmed by the idea of doing so. This is in large part because, as you so poignantly expressed on the podcast, there are no manuals, nothing specific to "do," no modalities, no diagnoses, no self-care regimens, that will truly help someone who is deeply suffering.
In turn, this also triggers my past traumas, where great anxiety resulted from feeling out of control and helpless. This has been making me concerned that specializing in trauma work may be too triggering to me as a therapist, because I would feel dysregulated just as the client is when I can't intellectualize or manualize their suffering to make it feel "manageable." Yet I feel like ultimately, this is the type of work I want to do, and am in fact called to do.
With that in mind, I'm wondering if you may be able to offer any feedback about how I can begin to build a foundation as a therapist-in-training to do this kind of work-- the process-driven, experiential, artistic, personalized, raw type you describe. Maybe in terms of any thoughts about being a therapist who is able to support others who are suffering while also experiencing one's own suffering (past and/or present) at the same time.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration, and for what you are doing in the mental health field.
Dear therapist-in-training,
I totally get what you are saying. It’s such a gift that we get to continue growing as we help others grow, and it is imperative that we do so, so we can hold and release the dark material that our clients will need to hold and release.
I’m so happy to hear that you have an aching yearning to do this kind of work and feel conflicted and cautious about it at the same time. That is the exact right feeling you should have and that you should listen to. When I’ve lost that mix of feelings is when I myself have lost myself to pride and arrogance, which can still happen if I’m not careful. I can tell you that you are much further ahead than I was at your stage of development. I didn’t even know it was possible to work with heart and from the heart. My only inspiration when I was in training was Yalom’s work, but we never studied his techniques. I only read his books for leisure outside my academic work.
I feel like I’ve only gotten the hang of doing this type of work in the past 5-7 years (and I started seeing clients in 1995). Maybe you won’t take as long as I did but I hope you give yourself as long as you need.
I think you already know what you need to do to grow. The next step for us is always right in front of us, if only we would slow down and listen. Listen to our hearts and listen to our bodies. My guess is that your heart knows that you have to do more of your own work. More holding and releasing of your own traumas. More grieving and loving. More dysregulation and return. We don’t get rid of our traumas, we change our relationship to it. We let it flow through us with witness and love.
The beautiful thing is that all you can do is your own work, but know that doing your own work does work for everyone else ,and having the privilege of watching others do their own work helps us all in our own work. This is the way. A virtuous reciprocity blossoms and flaps a butterfly’s wings when our intentions are properly set to only doing the work right in front of us. The work alive in our bodies and hearts right now and nothing more. Can you feel it stirring?
I hope this is helpful and thank you for becoming who you already are.